yeahhh, this a hold up so listen up while i wave my gun.

Thursday, 30 September 2010

  • it's been a while.

    it has been a very long time since i posted.

     

    i am still with Jacob<3 it's been a year and a half, tomorrow night we are going to see William Control. jacob asked me to be his right at the moment the music started playing and William walked on stage. i see it as a anniversary celebration even though it's been two weeks after our 1 year 6 month mark. i got a new puppy(teddy) and a new xbox.

    school is blah. how great can school ever be when you don't have your friends with you? i'm taking piano and Taylor takes it with me. it's awesome having a friend in class. i'm so glad he is taking the class with me, i get to spend more time with him. his band is also playing tomorrow nights show. i am also taking mac operating systems: snow leopard and i'm retaking sociology online this time. i'm excited for winter to come this year. i have had enough of summer. i'm so tired of the heat.

    i've been getting a lot of headaches. more often now. i have a minor heart condition and it's common among people my age, and the right side of my heart leaks. but it's minor. i still have to do a stress echo. i'm not looking forward to it. i never look forward to echos. the guy that does them creeps me out. it's his beard. if he didn't have it, i wouldn't mind him. lol.

    we have been going to big bear frequently. it hasn't changed my fear of going up and down that mountain. i like being up there. it's always so much cooler than lucerne. i wish i had a job so i could live up there. i wanna see snow fall. i wanna throw snowballs at my friends >:D haha. if only it snowed in inches there and not feet. haha. it's green, and it's a quaint little town. but the slopes sure do look funny. they are bare and brown and ugly without snow. but pretty with the snow.

     

    if you read all this, thanks(:

Tuesday, 15 December 2009

  • these poems

    written to a girl whose name I can't stand to hear, are the ones you wanted me to read, the ones you read aloud to me.

    i read the first few lines of one of these poems and knew right away that all of these were going to be about her. i asked you who these were about, you lied and said no one. i looked at it and said that one has to be to someone. you said nikki. "i don't want to read these" and i layed down on my bed again. "this ones good" you read the poem. "who was that about?" you said guess. "why are you reading these to me? i don't want to hear them. i don't want to read them!" so i went back to my bed. i asked you why you were reading these to me and you shrugged. "what's wrong? and i replied "i don't want to read poems about that stupid girl!"

    sit in my shoes. how would you feel if you read poems i had written and told you they were about Alex, a person you hate with all you've got? sit in my shoes and see how those poems made me hate her even more. how intense this form of jealousy is. i hate seeing her picture in your inbox, the comments on your pictures, or status updates. i hate that you stopped talking to her and then began to again because you got mad at me. i hate the comments i read months back about you two reminiscing about your past and relationship. the sound of her name makes my skin crawl, even when she is not the nikki being mentioned.

    so do you get the point? do you understand why it made me so angry?

    when you read this, you'll get mad at me, i'm expecting it. i'll be surprised if you don't actually.
    but i needed to get this out of me.

Monday, 26 October 2009

  • i went halloween shopping with Karol and Simba today. it was fun. we got almost every thing we needed for this haunted house. we still need a few more things though. i'm not sure how this is going to turn out, everyone is stoked about it though. so much more than i am. i would rather spend my night here at home or out doing something then sitting around at the market, like all the past years i have lived here. i feel like i am doing is complaining. when really i should be happy. my boyfriend is sleeping in my bed, not five feet from me. we are getting a car soon. i'm going to school. but i think it's because i don't do anything for myself. i don't do anything anymore. i'm bored with life. i stay home, i run errands for my mom, i go to school, i go to majority rules. i want to do things. i miss the weekends when my friends and i would have study groups. we'd play super smash bros. and hackey sack. we'd take dumb pictures and shoot dumb videos. but i miss it. i miss it so much.
    what happened to all that?
    we graduated.

    i've felt so emotional for this whole month. random things make me want to cry. and i wonder to myself why. movies that never make me feel any emotion at all, the sappy "chick flicks" are making me cry. what the hell is going on?

    i love having my boyfriend with me. i love being with him everyday.
    but the rest of my life bores me. it really does.

    we rebuilt a corral today.
    and i have been fixing the fence so the pit bull will not get out again.
    i'm feeling a little productive. maybe i should keep this up.

Thursday, 22 October 2009

  • vvc

    is pretty lame. i don't like it. too many people. wayyy too many people.
    i just want this semester to be over so i can take more classes and be a full time student.
    i want to take more classes and i want homework! i guess you could say i miss high school. lol.
    i want to take interesting classes, classes i want to take, not just whatever class i could find that had openings.
    i had a class that started last Tuesday, but for some reason i though it was next Tuesday? so i'm not even going to
    bother going to it, i'll let the instructor drop me. next semester i will taking yoga with Michelle :D and maybe Danielle?


    i have homework, and it's going to give me a headache. i'm getting one just thinking about it. haha.

    i'm reading again :] Sam's Letters To Jennifer by James Patterson.
    i've never read A Walk To Remember(seen the movie) but it's along the same lines as that.
    a couple falls in love and they guy reveals he is dying, instead of the girl. it's good though.
    next book: Change of Heart by Jody Picoult. i love her books so i can't wait to finish this one tonight
    and start her book(:

Saturday, 17 October 2009

  • i hate

    that we are not having conference this year. i look forward to the hectic planning and the last minute changes and additions. i love doing the work that it takes to put this conference on. from raising the money to actually helping organize it. we have spent all of October and i think half of September messing around or planning that appreciation dinner. yes, the dinner was a good idea, and it was fun. but honestly it could have waited. from our first meeting we could have started planning fund raisers, contacting the organizations that help us out. not a word has been said about the conference until tonight. it's not happening next month the weekend before thanksgiving. it's going to be in March or April. i would prefer it be in March because if fohi is having their conference again it will be in April. now it wasn't a very good conference, but it was fun either way. i don't know if i would attend it again though. but still, lets not have two different conferences in one month yeah?
    i'm just really frustrated over the whole ordeal. we have no money for conference. if i was in charge we would be planning conference already. we would be raising money. someday i'll be doing what karol is. where ever i live, where ever i end up, i will. it's a life goal of mine. it's the only one i have so far.

    don't doubt what i say. it may seem impossible now, like i'm not up to it. but you'll see.